Big Up Those Boundaries!

Something I often ask my clients is 'What do you want more of in your life and business?' - the response is usually more time to spend with family and friends, more leads, clients and profit, or to have a healthier lifestyle with less stress and worry. We often delve into what that will look like for them in an ideal world.

Then I hit them with the next question - 'What do you have to do less of to get more of what you want?', which is where the fun begins!

We all dream of the entrepreneur lifestyle promoted on social media - you know the one - you're lying on the beach making money on your laptop, you're only working 4 hours a week (á la Tim Ferriss), you're smashing your goals every day and living your 'best life' (says Gary V and Tony Robbins).

However the reality is very different. Hours poured over your laptop, not spending enough time living your best life (or any life!) outside of your work, sacrificing time with your family and friends to create one more blog, website change, podcast, product etc.

It’s not always about finding more time in the day, it’s about BOUNDARIES!

We all have the same 24 hours in the day, what we choose to do with that time is crucial to our business success - not in the way the male marketers shove their 'Goals, Goals, Goals' ideology at you - it needs to be different than that or you'll burn out.

Boundaries are important to keep the 'fluff' out and make sure you're doing more of the things that'll bring you what you really want - more clients, a healthier lifestyle and TIME! Time to do what you want, spend it with loved ones, or even by yourself in peace and quiet - whatever works for you. Here are a few exercises to help you develop these skills as you progress in business

Boundaries with people:

Boundaries make it easier for people to treat you with respect - the clearer the boundary line, the easier it is for people to treat you the way you teach them to treat you. We all have those energy vampires in our lives - those people who ask a favour or 'It'll only take 10 minutes' turns into 3 hours helping them clear out the garage or spare room, or looking after their kids while they ‘get the messages’ - you know the drill.

It's always harder to create boundaries when they're family or close friends, but that doesn't mean they can go on wasting your time either. Best to be clear and stick to short sentences like

'I'm sorry I can't'

'No, I can't'

'No'

'I can't but X (other person) can help you' (always a good one if you’re caught on the hop!).

The reality is that you can’t be all things to all people, you can’t take care of your extended family, run a business, run a family home, have meaningful relationships or hobbies and do all that on 4 hours sleep. It doesn’t happen that way. You need to get your 7-8 hours sleep like everyone else and to take time out to look after YOU. You need your own space to run your life and your business as you see fit.

Don't people please if it doesn't feel good to you – at a deep level people can feel obligation from you - it feels jarring. It's better to say 'No, I can't' instead of going along to help out and being miserable all day!

Boundary Action Step #1:

A great way to create a boundary for yourself around situations or people who drain your energy and waste your time is to say 'No more ____________'  - try it!

Boundaries with Clients:

Boundaries aren’t just about when clients can call; they’re what determine the nature of your relationship. Sometimes the lines can get blurred if you don’t set clear boundaries with clients to ensure both parties get the most from the business relationship.

It’s important to remember that your clients are not your friends, they’re your clients. You’re there to provide a service or a product, not to know the ins and outs of their private life. Taking on their private woes and sorrows won't serve you well (especially if you're an empath) - more emotional baggage is not what you need!

Keep it professional, set your business hours and stick to them, set expectations early and make sure all the terms and conditions are laid out clearly, otherwise they’ll contact you all hours of the day and expect immediate service regardless of other work you’re fulfilling.

So what one boundary can you create for your clients today to stop you falling into the ‘friends’ trap or the ‘You’re there for me 24/7’ trap?

Boundary Action Step #2:

To keep good boundaries with my clients I will set ________________________ rule/rules regarding my business process.

Boundaries with social media:

This one's a tough one! As entrepreneurs, we spend most of our time using technology, creating an online presence, and that means using social media! How often are you creating something new in business - a course or programme, a piece of art or product to sell, a workbook or a workshop when you're suddenly sucked into Facebook, Instagram, or an online shop and an hour is wasted?

Boundaries with technology are hard, but to make any progress, you'll have to give up that bad habit that wastes your precious time - whether it's binge watching Netflix or scrolling though videos on Instagram or Facebook or TikTok.

These platforms have spent BILLIONS in a bid to distract you from real life and to buy their stuff and keep you occupied (mainly so you don't see what's really going on in the world and you stay quiet, distracted and compliant, but we won't go into that today!). It’s in their best interests to keep you scrolling!

However, once you’re aware of the agenda, drawing a line in the sand with technology is often easier than creating boundaries with people.

Boundary Action Step #3:

Fill in the blanks in this sentence and you have your first technology boundary:

To help me create my new ___________________ (project you're working on that'll help your clients and build your business), I have to give up ____________________ (your time-sucking technology or social media habit)

Boundaries with people you follow or subscribe to:

At the start of your business life, you probably followed lots of people who were in your field, role models or people who seemed interesting to watch online. You're on their mailing list or watch their videos.

But over time, these people made you feel 'less than' or envious of their success, said things you didn't agree with or triggered you in some other way you weren't initially aware of. You stopped reading their emails, but still scan them occasionally to see what they’re up to, which then creates the ‘comparisonitis spiral’ because they’re doing much more than you are right now and their lives look bloody perfect!!

Time to curate your online experience. Get rid of these people from your news feeds, unfollow them, unsubscribe to their lists, stop checking them out online at night before you go to bed when you scroll aimlessly on the socials.

It's so much easier to block them from your online experience than to constantly be triggered and feel ‘less than’ because you think they’re doing better than you in business. Don’t forget people only show their best version on social media, never the ‘behind the scenes’ craziness.

Your work matters, so keep at it!

Boundary Action Step #4:

Fill in the blanks on this sentence and remove the people who trigger you or make you feel 'less than' in some way:

To create my ____________________ (product or service I want to release/ promote in the next few weeks/months), I'll remove ____________________ (person) from my social media experience. I'll do this by blocking the channels they contact me on - unsubscribe, unfollow, block messages, etc.

Boundaries with Bad Business Habits:

Whatever you’re creating in your business, chances are there’s some way you’re sabotaging the work through your personal or professional habits. If you’re health is important, but you’re still eating junk food, that’s not going to help you sustain yourself as you build your empire, is it?!

Starting your day replying to emails pandering to other people’s timetables instead of working on the creative stuff first won’t help in the long run either.

Make a note of the little habits that drift into your morning and evening routines – these are often the self-sabotaging, time-wasting, technology-driven, people-pleasing habits that are sucking your energy and precious business time.

These habits may be another version of the ‘boundary-less’ issues above, and if so, go do those exercises again!

How can you stop doing these annoying habits?

First, make yourself aware of them.

Second, acknowledge they’re there to protect you from something – perhaps the big scary project you want to start but are afraid to. Your inner critic is telling you it’s a bad idea, and why don’t you just scroll through Facebook instead.

Distractions and bad habits need boundaries so you can get the real work done.

Boundary Action Step #5:

Committing to _________________________ (starting/continuing/finishing a project) means I need to stop _______________________________ (bad habit/action).

So now you that have 5 action steps to help negate those annoying boundaries, write them out BY HAND (it’s always better by hand so you can concentrate on the works as you write), put them on your desk and boundary the crap out of your day!

Get to work.

I know how hard it is (especially as a woman!) to stay focused on your business by building better boundaries. I love helping women just like you develop those boundaries so you can focus on what’s important in your life and business, so do get in touch!

I have 5 free Business Breakthrough Calls available for August - click on the link to book a free 30 minute call and let’s discuss ways to Big up your Boundaries and be motivated to get the most from your biz!